Get your water wings, fellas. I'm probably gonna get a little deep here.
It's a valid question, right? A lot of people say they're "car guys", but are they? Are they just attaching a label to themselves in some vain hope to fit in, or are they a real car guy?
I think we need to start with a definition of what is and isn't a car guy. Or girl. Cuz we're all equal opportunity and crap like that. So what's it really take to be a car guy? Well there are a few things most people define as car guy-esque. The guy that wrenches on his own motors is a car guy. The guy that does amateur racing is a car guy. The guy that seems an endless font of knowledge of all things automotive is a car guy, or the guy that can drop year, make and model on seemingly any car just from a piece of trim or a taillamp is a car guy. Or they say they are. And I can't really fault any of those qualifications. But I don't think that's all there is to it.
You see, there are some that call me a car guy. But the problem is, I don't fit ANY of the above criteria. I don't go racing. I'm all thumbs when it comes to tools. I definitely don't have the knowledge and my brain goes fuzzy trying to identify even some common makes and models. I don't have any of it. I don't even own a "car guy worthy" car. I drive a midsize FWD sedan for God's sake, the automotive equivalent of Wonder bread. It's not on any car guy's short list of dream rides, that's for sure. It's not pretty, and it's not fast, and it won't get you any well-endowed women with loose morals. So am I a car guy? Well, by the classic definition above, no. Not even close. I'm just some regular schmuck who happens to like cars a little.
Except the definition is wrong.
I think there's more to being a car guy than owning something with a ton of horsepower that's got a glovebox full of timeslips from the autocross track or the drag strip. There's more to it than an encyclopedic knowledge of all things 4-wheeled. There's more to it than having the prettiest, shiniest machine on the block. There is more at play here. I believe there are only two things you need to be a real car guy. The first and most important thing is that you LOVE CARS. It seems obvious at first blush but a lot of folks overlook that one simple fact. You don't have to know everything, you just have to know you love these four wheeled machines. The second, and more subtle thing is that you should just know what makes a car good and what makes a car bad. Any dipstick can rattle off performance numbers and say "This car is better than that car". Well on paper maybe, but that's only part of it. If all that mattered were statistics 99% of the driving public would be in a Corolla or Prius, because it's the best car that fits their needs 99% of the time. No, there's much much more to it than that.
There are any number of small nuances in the way a car moves, the way it feels, that makes a car good or bad. Let's, for giggles, look at my daily driver. It's a 2008 Ford Fusion SE with the 2.3L four. Is it fast? It's got 160HP and weighs 3500lbs. No, it's not fast. Is it pretty? The front end looks like a disposable razor and the rest is typical three-box midsize sedan. So no, it's not really pretty either. So what makes it such a great driver's car? Put a good set of performance tires on it and watch the car come alive. The front suspension is built for high speed stability, but the car is set up to handle twisty roads remarkably well. Hit the mountain two-lanes and you'll be rewarded with a car that's stable, planted and predictable all the way to the limits of its adhesion. No it's not fast, but the 2.3 has enough torque to squirt out of corners and build speed until you get to the next one. The brakes are firm and communicative. The chassis understeers, but it's a progressive understeer, one you can see coming a long way off and correct for. This car is not beige. It's only beige for people who want beige. For the car guy, it's a sport sedan. Is it an M5 on a budget? HECK no. But it's plenty capable in the hands of someone who knows how to get the most out of it. In the hands of a car guy, this car will MOVE.
So then, by this new definition, would you say I was a car guy or not?
Yeah, I reckon you are. Here's why.
ReplyDeleteOne of the things about this automotive clique is that, like any other clique, there's always people who have opinions about the terms of entrance. For example, if you listen to Jezza you're not a petrolhead (limey for car guy) until you've had an Alfa Romeo. To be honest, I'd rather slam my wedding vegetable in a waffle iron than have one.
Then there's the euro-snobs, who claim that if you're not motoring in their particular halo marquee that "you just don't understand engineering." Outside of Formula uhn and the 'ring? Ve turns up our noze at zhoo unt zhyour eenfeerior automobeel.
Of course if you ask the JDM fanboys, they'll tell you that the greatness of an automobile is measured in Horsepower per Liter and how variable your overhead camshafts are.
And, likewise if you come to my neck of the woods, the be-all and end-all of performance is how hard it comes out of the hole and what numbers pop up on the matrix at the end of your pass. Cornerin'? *chk-chk* We don't take kindly to yer type 'round here...
Yknow what though... None of them are right. Or wrong, for that matter.
So, my answer is this - screw the labels, screw trying to meet someone else's artificial standard. Like what you like. And at the end of the day, you'll find that the car guy you always wanted to be WAS INSIDE YOU ALL ALONG! HOORAY!
But also don't be an idiot who puts a spoiler and kanji stickers on a front wheel drive Accord. There's no justification for that.